Why you don't want ChatGPT writing your business plan: Part 1 🤖

Generally speaking, I am not a DIY kinda gal. I never shy away from hard work, and I’m an advanced Ikea assembler, but I didn’t learn to use a drill properly until I was 35, and I definitely believe in paying for expertise whenever possible. So it might surprise you to know that whenever I hear that someone wants someone else to write their business plan, I want to throw down my $1 soft serve cone and say, “Nej! You MUST do this yourself!”

Now if you’re asking yourself, what could be SO BAD about ghostwritten, ChatGPT written, or “for sale on Upwork” written business plans, that would make me shout and waste my delicious $1 treat? I’ll tell you. Business plans only work when you do them yourself. 

Whenever I’ve come face to face with a ghostwritten business plan, do you know what I think of? I think of the giant yellow Hummers that were confoundingly popular in the early 2000’s. You remember, right? Enormous, expensive monstrosities that were entirely ridiculous for suburban life. Everywhere they went, Hummer drivers announced themselves, but you know what they did NOT say? They did not say, “hello, I’m an emotionally stable, reliable adult who knows how to make good long term decisions.”

So what does this have to do with ghostwritten or purchased business plans? Like Hummers for suburbanites, they’re just here for the show. They’re packed with a lot of business jargon and charts that may LOOK strong to anyone just glancing at the document, but once you start reading, all the corporate-talk and generic statements expose a hollow core -- no real planning, no real information about who is behind this business, and no lived-experience arguments of why this business needs to exist and how it's going to be successful. 

Here’s an example from a Location Analysis section of a ghostwritten business plan:

"The company's location, which is to be determined, plays a pivotal role in determining accessibility, target demographics, and market reach. [The business’] physical presence is strategically selected based on factors such as foot traffic, proximity to target customer segments (working professionals, tourists, residents), and ease of access. The chosen locations are typically in high-traffic areas like shopping malls, business districts, or vibrant neighborhoods, ensuring visibility and attracting diverse customer bases."

Okaaaayyyyyy...great. This could literally apply to any brick-and-mortar business anywhere. If I'm a landlord reading this (if I haven't fallen asleep already), I'm thinking, "geez, this doesn't tell me anything about why they want MY space" or even "have they even thought about where they really need to be?" Or worst of all, "they didn't really write this, which feels lazy to me, so thanks but no thanks."

Now here's what it should look like. Here's a similar section from a Pedal Retailer’s Powerhouse Business Plan:

The neighborhoods of Ward 1 and 2 have historically been underserved by local wine and liquor shops. We look to fill that gap for these area customers, as well as:

● Millennial and Generation X professionals and families across DC with disposable income

● Corporate/organization headquarters and embassies hosting large scale events

● Experienced wine drinkers shopping online for interesting and allocated bottles at some of the country’s best prices

● Tourists and out-of-town professionals looking for a destination wine shop known for having hard-to-find bottles during their visit

See the difference? The plan written by the Pedal Retailer is specific, thoughtful and compelling. A landlord reading this thinks “that makes complete sense.” Or, “my building is perfect for that!” Or, “I better get out my checkbook and give these folks a bigger TI Allowance because this business looks GREAT!” Ideally they’re thinking all three.

In a future newsletter, we'll share more of the specific ways ghostwritten plans fall dramatically short, but for now, know this – your business plan should serve you. It should give you confidence and open doors for you. We know this is true because we see it work for our clients over and over again. But in order for your business plan to work for you, you have to put the work into it.